dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
