No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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