this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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