I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just threw up on my dentist
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
