It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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