Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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