Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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