We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
