dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
