forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
