Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
