unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
