I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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