so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
