just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
