hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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