i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
