Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
