dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
