eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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