I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
