dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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