hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
