he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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