So drunk, too bad you don't want this
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
