I just cut my nipple shaving
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
