i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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