i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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