just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
