I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
