i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
