I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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