porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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