Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
did you just send me my own nude
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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