I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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