Just fell off a train. Bad.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
