Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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