I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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