And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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