I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
