I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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