weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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