Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
