A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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