Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
