We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
