That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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