Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Actions speak louder than pants.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
