I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
