One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
