so explain again why im purple
no
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
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Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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