too bad you live with your parents still
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
