you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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