Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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