She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
