I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
