I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
