Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
