We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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