I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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