u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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