I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
