Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
