you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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