this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
