We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
