Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
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today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
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You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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