i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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