I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I deserve this hangover.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
