Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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