I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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